Work? This is work, and it's damn tough.

But I can see you alright...

Vampire cats come out to creep into your bedrooms

Do you mind? Can I have a bit of privacy, please?

You think this is cute? I call it stuck.

Gingerly does it - it's hard when someone's watching-

And then we were two kittens - looking forward to our new life!

Melancholy guard duty

Leave ... me ... alone.

The Mask of Zorro - He Rides Again

I'll wriggle where I choose, my garden or not.

My favourite tarmac roof in the sun plus drainpipe.

Phew, what a scorcher!

How's my posing?

Annoyingly Nosey Neighbourhood Know-it-all

As tough as life gets (stree-eetch!)...

What evil out there lurks?

Correction, it's my bowl and spoon now.

I caught Yoshka licking up the rhubarb yoghurt from my bowl I put down next to the computer. I should be annoyed, but it's organic and low fat so I'm rather proud of her choice.

No, you can't sleep on the table. Oh, go on, then ...

"That cat is not even ours and you're encouraging him to sleep on the table!" my wife complained. I denied it in no uncertain terms, of course, but the two comfy cushions I had positioned carefully in readiness before his gracious arrival betrayed me.

That's better, Harley...

... actually, it's Yoshka's part of the garden, so sling your hook, Harley.

Honoured that we are that Harley chose our garden to sleep in...

That anti-cat netting really worked, eh?

Even Yoshka obeys Dude Cat's verbal command

Video: Mustn't forget under her chin...

Oh yes, master!

Just hanging.

Photo courtesy of Kareem Black. His kitten, Georgio.

Now wash your hands...

Photo of Georgio courtesy of Kareem Black

Hi, just giving the ol' whiskers an airing...

Relaxo-cats.

Darwin, Tazzy and Syd, with thanks to Kate Nash

If he moves a finger he won't find me so cuddly ....

Tazzy the cat, with thanks to Kate Nash

Doh! Forgot what I came in here for...

Darwin the cat, with thanks to Kate Nash

I should be annoyed - it's my bench. But I'm in love.

Shhh! He's sleeping!

Who shall challenge me today in my kingdom?

I told you I would come back as a cat

Smell first, eat later. I love flowers.

Getting fat but I can still make this leap ... must focus, get in the zone ...

Worried I won't make the next jump...

Warming one paw over the radiator

This is how Yoshka spends most of the winter now. After eating she'll pop out and have a gossip with the other cats, hop up on the fence, then the shed roof, then next door's conservatory roof, then she'll saunter in, jump up onto my wife's desk where I have laid a blanket for her, and she'll settle down for a good 6 or 7 hours of nothing, really, but always with one paw on the window sill so that the heat from the radiator is trapped under her front leg. I guess it warms up her chest or whatever. My wife isn't too happy about losing a good portion of her desk real estate, but she's easy-going enough not to make a song and dance of it.

And that's it - totally boring, but Yoshka's happy. And you don't want to make a cat unhappy, that's for sure.

I can wait, believe me. You will not win.

What forces of hell have I unleashed outside my back door? How on earth do other cats get to know that occasionally, yes, I feed a stray? They're queuing up now from the moment I wake up to when I lay my little head down to rest. It's embarrassing - they're noisy, they squabble, they're very indiscreet.

But that still leaves my first question unanswered: how do they tell each other and why? Sign language? Yet I read that cats are so stupid they don't even have an IQ, they have an EQ, which quite frankly annoys me as I have often chatted to my cats thinking that we might be meeting on some conversational level, if not an obvious one. Here's one who thinks he'll kind of hang around hopefully outside my back door - it won't work. Well, it might .... cheeky sod.

Out? Are you mad? It's freezing out there!

Nice day to give my right claw a workout on your head

I want your dinner. It's fish. I'm a cat. Get it?

The Jealous Overseer

Yoshka spends a good deal of her day at this window, sticking her nosey little face out the window, watching to see if I am stroking any of the neighbourhood cats, sharing her food with them, making their lives comfortable on cushions on the bench in the garden. She is right to be suspicious - I am indeed doing this. I am far from being monogamous with my love for cats. Deal with it, babe!

The territory triangle

Just barely noticeable, this snap shows three cats, all respectfully keeping their distance, and you can draw an equi-whatsit triangle between all three.
None is in his or her own garden.
The white one on the bench in my garden is not mine, the black and white one in next door's garden to the right, lying on the slate path in the middle is mine and the one on the shed roof at the back on the left is Tigger, who used to live in the house where the one on the bench now lives, but moved next door instead.

They lead very complicated lives, don't they?

I have a dream

I have a dream. One day the owner of the lovely cat who visits my garden everyday, and who hangs around on the bench peacefully watching the world, will come to me and say "Look, I just can't look after him any more, and the dog is driving him crazy. Could you ..., I mean, would you mind...?"

Yoshka will look up at me and indicate her approval, and I'll nod my head to the woman and say "He's in good hands now. You may visit anytime you want."

Then with a guilt-free conscience I will open the back door for the first time to him, and he'll come in from the cold and make himself comfortable on a chair. I'll peek into the room later and find Yoshka curled up alongside him.

This is my dream. It's small, but it's mine.

Don't try to deny it - I'm cute.

I told them I'm a Dalmation - got my own kennel now.

The pet shop in Kings Heath has a stray cat that it is considering adopting - she hangs around, climbs in and out of the kennels and rabbit hutches, jumps up on the bird tables and generally makes it clear that she'll be moving in, as and when it suits her.

Now, it's going to be a win-win situation - she's the kind of cat that customers simply have to stroke, she's happy to let them, and it'll get people in the door. Even those people who don't have a pet. Yet.

Caught in the act.

OK, I know it's wrong. I know it's bad. But what cat lover can resist feeding a few strays and other neighbourhood cats? I do it on the sly so Yoshka won't catch me - but the game's up. She knows. And now she lies on my wife's desk all day, watching me carefully as I try to sneak out into the back garden with a few nibbles for the others. Sometimes I'll just finish putting down a handful of food and I look up - and there she is, stood up on the desk, her nosy little face glowering at me.

Yoshka's evil look when I told her we're out of chicken.

Panic!

Yoshka's addicted to Applaws tinned chicken. It's good quality, not much junk added. I'm out of tins so I cycle up to "Paws for Thought" pet shop - and guess what? It's gone bust! And the nearest other pet shop is miles away and doesn't sell Applaws. That's a real nuisance. How am I going to break the news to Yoshka? She'll kill me.

Making life awkward for my wife at her desk

Yoshka nervously secures the place one held by macho dude cat Tigger

Leave me alone.